Uncertainty
by uglybread
Summary: Told from Kenny's POV. Life after high school holds a lot of mysteries for Kenny, and he's not sure where he might go. He discovers an unexpected romance, and a sudden tragedy in his life brings back the past. Kenny/Butters pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Graduation. Fuck.

A whole world of uncertainty was coming, and I wasn't ready for it. Kyle was off to NYU, Stan was going to Colorado State, Cartman of all people somehow managed to get into South Park Community College...and I was struggling to find work.

It's not a surprise I couldn't afford to go to college. I had the grades to go. Well, they were okay. But after I managed to muster up the funds to even APPLY to the University of Colorado in Denver, I found out I couldn't afford it after getting accepted. They only offered to cover some of my tuition, even though I was extremely high need. The rest were loans I could never pay back.

But jobs were scarce in South Park. My brother, Kevin, suggested I try selling pot with Pete, who transitioned out of his goth phase and into his druggie phase. But I told Kevin that I didn't want to end up like Dad, being deadbeat and hating his own life.

I looked down at the satin black gown as they called our names to the stage.

 _Stanley Marsh_

I watched one of my best friends from childhood walk across the stage and receive his diploma. That meant I was next.

 _Kenneth McCormick_

I dragged my feet. Time seemed to move in slow motion. I looked out to the crowd. My mother was watching intently, while my father sipped a beer in his seat, seeming ever unpresent as usual. My brother clapped like my mother. But my sister, Karen...she was my biggest cheerleader. She stood on her seat and hollered and cheered. She held a sign that said, "GO KENNY!"

Karen was my reason to keep going, in so many ways. She always looked up to me, and I didn't want to let her down. If I were to give up, then she'd have no one to look to. Kevin certainly wasn't any sort of role model, and my parents weren't exactly the peak of inspiration. I sacrificed everything for Karen, and she always had my back. In a way, I'm glad I was staying in South Park, if not only for her.

I finally reached the principal, who held my diploma in one hand and had the other outstretched, ready to shake it. I performed this monotonous ritual - take the diploma, shake the hand, let the photographer take a picture I'll probably never see, and walk off the stage. My ten seconds of prominence came and went.

From my seat I watched the rest of my friends walk across the stage, and recounted what the future held for them.

 _Fosse McDonald._ Penn State.

 _Terrence Mephesto_. MIT.

 _Annie Nelson_. University of Miami.

The names rattled on, and it just reminded me that they all had more of a future than I did. Even the ones going to community college, like Cartman.

 _Leopold Stotch_.

I paused. I didn't know what Butters was doing after college. Had he told me and I just didn't remember, or had he just failed to mention it?

 _Wendy Testaburger._ Stanford University. Of course she got into the top school in the country. Stan wasn't too pleased she'd be going to California, but they would try to make it work. They always did.

But for some reason, the fact that I didn't know what Butters was doing puzzled me. I looked back at him in his seat, where he sat smiling and clapping with each name called. He was everyone's Karen. He was everyone's cheerleader. He saw me looking and he waved at me, flashing his typical cheery smile.

I waved back and turned back around. Stan leaned over to me. "Dude, we're all going to Olive Garden after the ceremony. Kyle's dad is treating. Are you in?"

I shrugged. "That depends, who's going?"

"Me, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters. And our parents, of course. You gonna ask your parents to come?"

I shook my head. "My dad would probably just bitch they didn't have beer and get drunk off of a chardonnay instead," I grunted.

"Suit yourself," Stan sighed. "But are you coming?"

I realized this would give me an excuse to talk to Butters. I don't know why I was obsessing over this, but it was gonna bug the hell out of me until I found out. "Yeah, sure, why not."

Fuck, I forgot how much I loved Olive Garden's breadsticks. Literally it was like garlic had sex with bread and then took a really really satisfying shit and that shit's baby was an Olive Garden breadstick. Wait, that's a really weird analogy.

I felt like tonight was the one night I really was able to get a feel of what it was like to actually have money. Kyle's father insisted I could order whatever I wanted, but I just felt bad. I really felt like he shouldn't spend his money on me. I was perfectly happy gorging myself on bread. Eventually, Kyle ordered a chicken parmesan for me, and I just couldn't say no. Why were the Broflovski's always so generous?

Cartman muttered something to me about it being so unusual that Kyle's dad was so willing to spend money, considering he was a Jew. Kyle heard him, though, and shot him a dirty look.

"Don't start, Cartman," he hissed. "We're having a good time."

"I am, too, Kyle," Cartman insisted. "I'm just surprised that my good time is coming from your dad's lack of stinginess."

"Well, try not to eat the whole menu, fatass," Kyle snapped.

I zoned out of that exchange while they continued to go at each other. I was sitting next to Butters, who had been sneaking pictures of us on his phone.

"You're not gonna post those, are you?" I asked him skeptically. I didn't have a Facebook, and I didn't really want my picture up on the internet without my permission.

Butters giggled. "I won't post 'em if you don't want me to," he assured me. "Aren't you gonna get a Facebook after you leave town though, Kenny?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm not leaving, Butters," I told him. "I can't afford college."

Butters pursed his lips. "I know what you mean. Neither can I."

That shocked me. Butters always seemed pretty well off, so it surprised me that he couldn't go. His father worked a steady office job, and his mother was an engineer. Why wouldn't he be able to go?

Sensing that I was confused, Butters continued. "My dad says that if I want to go to college, I need to pay for it myself, like he did," he explained. "I tried to explain to him that college is a lot more expensive now than when he was a teenager, but then he just got real sore at me. Told me that there are ways around it. I could work for a year and then go, or I could even join the army. The GI bill would cover my tuition. But I don't really wanna have to risk my life just to get an education."

I hadn't thought about the military option. It seemed so obvious now. Butters did say it was dangerous...but then again, I can't die. Well, I haven't died since 5th grade. Who knows if that's still true anymore?

Butters nudged me, noticing I had gone quiet. "Hey, Kenny, you alright?" he asked. "You seem to have a lot on your mind. Whatchya thinkin' about?"

I looked at him, and then at all of my friends gathered around the table. "A lot."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

After dinner, Kyle's dad dropped me off at home. It was 10 pm, and the lights were still on. Which meant Dad was still up, and probably fighting with Mom. Kevin was sitting out on the front porch, smoking from a bowl. I hope Karen wasn't up to hear the arguing. Or to see Kevin like this.

I walked up the front path and stopped in front of my brother. "You know you shouldn't be smoking that shit, right?" I scolded him.

Kevin looked up at me, blowing a plume of smoke at me. "It's legal in Colorado, dude," he said smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "That does matter. So is alcohol, and tobacco."

"Which are both much worse than a little pot," he cut in.

I narrowed my eyes. "Not when it's laced with shit," I said bitterly. "Which half of the stuff you have is."

He snorted. "Just because you had ONE bad trip when you smoked with me…"

"I almost fucking died, dude!" I snapped at him. "Remember the seizure I had? I fell and hit my head, and you nearly let me bleed out because you thought I was a jar of fucking tomato sauce on the ground, and you thought it was hilarious."

"But did you die?" he asked.

"Well, I would have if Craig hadn't come along-"

"But did you die?"

I fucking hate him when he does this. He always holds that "did you die" shit over my head. I'm not really sure if he knows about all that shit that used to happen, but if he does, it's really fucking low to pull that on me.

"I'm tired," I grumbled. "I'm going inside."

Kevin scoffed. "Good luck," he said, shaking his head. "Mom and Dad have been at it for a while. Why do you think I'm out here?"

That's what I was worried about. "Is Karen awake?" I asked.

"What does it matter?" he responded. "She's used to it by now."

"That's not a good thing," I muttered as I stepped through the door.

And it began. Or rather, continued.

" _THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HOLD A JOB, YOU DRUNK PIECE-A SHIT!"_

" _WELL MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE DRUNK ALL THE TIME IF I HAD A FUCKING JOB, BITCH!"_

" _THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING, ASSHOLE! YOU CAN'T BLAME ALL YOUR PROBLEMS ON BEER!"_

" _WELL, THEN IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT, YOU BITCH!"_

" _MY FAULT? HOW IS IT MY FAULT WHEN I PICK UP EXTRA SHIFTS WASHING DISHES AT MY JOB AND YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING?"_

I slammed the door behind me and there was a pause. Fuck, that means it was going to come down on me. As I started making my way through the living room, my father lurched his way in from the kitchen. He had beer on his breath, and a lot of it. I could smell it the second I walked in the door.

"So, how was dining with the hoity-doity fuckers that are the Broflovskis, eh Ken?" he said, trying to seem cordial as if I had heard none of what was going on.

"Stewart, don't you fucking start with him," I heard my mom growl from the kitchen.

"I'm having a conversation with my son, woman!" he hollered back. Then he faced me again, taking a sip from his can. "How was it having someone to throw money around for you. Did Gerald flash you his checkbook? Did he get hard from being so fucking rich?"

I didn't look at him, instead at my mother in the doorway of the kitchen. "I had a good time," I said, almost to her. "They're nice to me, and they actually like having me around." Then I snapped my eyes back at my father. "More than I can say for you."

My father glowered at me. This made him go red in the face. "What'd you say, you little shit?" he hissed at me.

I gritted my teeth. "I thought you were just drunk, not deaf," I spat at him. "Gerald is a better dad than you ever have been. At least when he drinks, he doesn't abuse his family."

My father lost it at that. It was two split seconds of his fist cocking, and then him punching me right in the gut. I reeled over, but I didn't let myself fall to the floor. I coughed and caught my breath. From a hunched over position, I just glared at him.

"Wanna try that again, you mouthy twat?" he barked at me, reeling to go again.

I straightened up a little bit more. "You're not worth it," I chided. "Neither you nor your life is worth anything. I wouldn't care if you died tomorrow, you pig." I spat at his feet and walked off to my room.

"Yeah, you can say that, you punk!" he shouted after me. "You're a real tough guy, insulting your father. You'll wish that you'd never said that shit to me, Kenny! You'll fucking regret it!"

I ignored his shouts, knowing he'd most likely forget about it by tomorrow morning. It's what always happened. This exchange was almost a nightly occurrence.

I passed Karen's room on the way, which was open. She was on her bed, clutching a tattered stuffed rabbit. She looked as though she was holding back tears. I stopped and I walked in.

"Hey, Karen," I said softly. "I'm sorry you had to hear all of that."

Karen raised her eyes to look at me, and I watched the color drain from her face as she saw me. "He didn't hit you too hard, did he?" she whimpered.

I smirked. "Barely felt a thing," I assured her. I sat down on her bed. "How bad was it before I got home?"

Karen hugged her rabbit tighter. "Pretty bad," she told me. "It started when Mom told him that you had gone to dinner with friends. And then he lost it."

I frowned. "So they were fighting because of me?"

My sister shook her head. "They were fighting because Dad's a jerk," she murmured. "I'm just afraid one of these days, he's actually going to kill one of us. Either on purpose or on accident."

I leaned over and held her close. "Not gonna happen," I said, stroking her hair. "Not to you, at least. You're the most innocent out of all of us. You do a good job of staying out of his way, so I think you're safe."

I could feel her shaking and quivering. I could tell she had started to cry. She buried her face into me. "Please don't let it be you, Kenny," she sobbed. Her tears were staining my shirt, but I didn't really care.

I hugged her close. "It's not gonna be," I reassured her. I'm always going to be here for you. You'll always have your big brother."

That night, I didn't go back to my bed. Instead, I laid with Karen in hers and let her cry herself to sleep in my arms. I didn't have the heart to get up after she fell asleep. I didn't want her to wake up alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The next day was weird. I didn't have any obligations right then, so I just sort of wandered around. I had a plan to job hunt, but I wanted to wait a day or two before throwing myself out there. Instead, I just walked around town, hands in my sweatshirt pockets. For a June day, it still somehow managed to be brisk - that's what you get for living in a mountain town, I guess.

I passed by familiar houses, saw familiar faces. I went down to Stark's Pond and picked up a few stones for skipping. As I made my way down, I saw another familiar face sitting by the edge of the water, his feet dipped in.

Butters.

I walked up behind him. "Hey, Butters, what're you doing here?" I asked him, now standing next to him.

Butters looked up at me and smiled. "Oh, hey Kenny!" he beamed. "I'm just sittin' here, is all. Been here a few hours, I s'pose. Don't really got much else to do."

I smirked at him. He was always so happy. "You mind if I join you?" I inquired, not even bothering to get the answer as I sat down.

"Now, why would I mind that?" he posited. "It's always nice to hang out with you, Kenny."

I handed him a few stones, and we each took turns skipping them, seeing who could get more. Butters had a better arm than I thought. At one point, I glanced over at Butters, and with the sun reflecting off the water and onto his face, I just couldn't look away. I never realized how much he had grown up from that naive little kid we all used to mess with. I had grown closer to him over the years, and I know he actually considered me his best friend out of all of the other guys.

He glimpsed back over at me. "You alright, Ken?"

I snapped back into reality for a brief moment. "I was just thinking about how much time has flown since we were kids," I confessed.

Butters chuckled. "Well, I guess there has been a lot changing, hasn't there?" he pondered. "We're all going off to college...well, not all of us. You and me, we're staying here together. And I think that's just swell."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

Butters grinned at me. "Well, sure!" he piped. "If there was gonna be one person I get to spend all my time with, I don't think I'd want it to be Eric or any of the others. They're okay, but no one has ever really stood up for me like you do. You've always had my back."

I was honestly touched by his words. I tried to mask it by skipping another stone. To be honest, Butters was someone I was always comfortable with, and I don't know where I'd be without him all these years.

"Hey, Ken, you remember when we used to play superheroes and all that?" he asked me, changing the subject.

I scoffed. "Yeah, but weren't you actually a villain?" I recalled. "Professor Chaos?"

Butters giggled. "Bringer of destruction and evil!" he recited. "And you were Mysterion...the superhero who couldn't die. Where'd you come up with that one, anyway?"

I shook my head with a smirk. "I guess I just have an active imagination," I lied. I keep forgetting that I haven't actually died since 5th grade, and I think everyone else forgot as well. I'm not quite sure why I stopped dying. Maybe it was just becoming a tired old gag.

But I shook it off. "Why do you ask?" I returned the questioning to him.

Butters shrugged. "Do you think that Professor Chaos and Mysterion would ever team up?" he asked me. "Like, if there was a force so strong to bring them together? Like, they seem so different, but they turn out being more alike than they ever realize?"

This confused me. "What are you trying to say?" I queried.

Butters put his head in his hands, using his and fingers to hide his face. "What I'm trying to say is, have you ever thought you were being something you're not?" I could hear a tremble in his voice. "Like, say I've just been pretending to be Professor Chaos, because that's who everyone expects me to be, but really I'm Doctor Tranquility?"

I pursed my lips. "I'm sorry, Kenny, I'm not following," I told him, shaking my head. "Are you saying that like, you regret being Professor Chaos?"

Butters furrowed his brow a little bit and did a slight nod. "I guess, metaphorically, yes," he agreed. "Say that from a young age, I was forced to be put into that box of Professor Chaos. But for so long I've questioned it. There were times where Chaos looked at himself in the mirror and said, 'this isn't who you really are' and then you're standing there with General Disarray and your minions, and you convince yourself that this is the only way you're supposed to be."

Okay, so Butters was going into some deep philosophical shit, and I was not following. "Butters, I'm sorry, but I'm not getting the metaphor," I said. "You need to come out and say what you need to say."

Butters gulped. "Come out...and say it," he repeated. "Okay, well, you know how you said earlier this year that you didn't care who you dated, as long as you love them? They could be boy, girl, whatever?"

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It hadn't been really too big of an issue anyway because I haven't had a girlfriend since freshman year. But why was Butters asking me about tha-

Oh.

 _Oh._

"Butters, are you…?"

He nodded. "I like boys, Kenny," he confessed. "I spent a long time being confused about it. I mean, maybe I still do like girls deep down, but I know I definitely like boys. But when I was with girls, something felt off about it."

I gave a little half-smile. "Why were you so afraid to tell me, Butters?" I asked him gently. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

Butters took a deep breath. "That's not the part that scared me, Kenny," he exhaled. "That's only part one."

I held my breath, but I really didn't know why I was. Something told me that he was going to say he was in some weird fetishist cult or that he secretly murdered three people and ate their dicks or something. But what he said instead was far more tame.

"I like you, Kenny," he sighed. "I have for a long time. And I know there's no chance of you liking me too, I just wanted to come out and say it. I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, because I don't wanna put that kind of pressure on you. But I wanted to get it off my chest. I think that's part of the reason why I was so confused - because for so long I thought I wasn't supposed to like boys, that I was supposed to like girls. But then I went through that whole bi-curious thing, and I know my dad is bi-curious too...but I don't know how he'd feel about me being gay and such. I really don't know how my parents would feel."

I was speechless. I know my dad wasn't too cheery to hear that I wasn't a full-blown macho straight man like him. My mom said she always sort of knew. Kevin laughed, and Karen loved me still.

But Butters...liking me? That seemed almost too much for me to wrap my head around.

"I need a little while to think," I said quietly as I stood up. As I started to walk away, I turned back to him. "Congrats on coming out, though. I'll talk to you later, I promise."

I glanced back over my shoulder as I walked away from Stark's pond, and I caught a glimpse of Butters taking the largest stone he could find and chucking it into the water. I watched it make a huge splash as he flopped down onto his back, exasperated.

I really hope I didn't just fuck up right there.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

What the fuck did I just hear? Butters likes me? I really don't know how to feel about this. I mean, Butters has always been so nice to me, and I always considered him one of my best friends. But I don't want to ruin what we have...as friends.

I need someone to talk to. Someone who will listen, and will let me vent.

Cartman? No, absolutely not. Why did that thought even occur to me?

Stan? Well, he's good to vent to, but he'd probably just make it all about himself. He means well, but he doesn't know when it's not all about him.

Kyle? Well, he might make a speech like usual, but he's a good listener. And he might offer some pretty good advice. So Kyle it is.

I break into a jog up the road. I turn back over my shoulder. Stark's Pond is almost out of view, and I can just barely see Butters, still sitting there by the water. I really hope I didn't hurt him. He's got to understand, right? I told him I just needed time to think. I didn't tell him outright I didn't like him. Because I do. Well, definitely as a friend. I'm just so uncertain right now. Everything is such a fucking mess.

I see Kyle's house up the street and I slow down to a walk, catching my breath.

What if Butters did take it like I didn't like him back? And that I was just afraid to say it, so I ran away. That would make me a coward, and I can't live like that.

I reached Kyle's house and knocked on the door. There wasn't any car in the drive, so I just hoped he'd be home. I waited and I knocked again. I heard footsteps inside, and then the door opened to Ike standing in front of me.

"Yeah?" he began, a can of soda in his hand. "Can I help you?"

"Hey, Ike," I panted. I was still out of breath from running here. "Is Kyle home?"

Ike shrugged. "Maybe he is, maybe he isn't," he said slyly. "If you want to find out, it'll cost ya."

I groaned. "Ike, I really am not in the mood for this today," I said bitterly. "I need to find your brother."

Ike rolled his eyes and let me in. "Whatever, but you owe me," he responded, going back into his living room.

I hustled up the stairs and didn't even bother knocking on Kyle's bedroom door. "Kyle, dude I need you!" I blurted out, bursting the door open.

Kyle jumped up from his chair, dropping the book he was reading. "Dude, what the fuck?" he gasped. "Why didn't you knock?"

I shook my head. "I didn't think of it, I'm too panicked," I spat out.

Kyle folded his arms. "I could have been jacking off or something, you know," he scolded.

I threw my arms up. "I literally don't care about that right now," I told him, exhausted. "I am literally freaking out and seeing your dick is like the least of my worries."

Kyle lowered his defensive stance and sat back down in his chair. "Kenny, what's up?" he asked calmly. "Why are you freaking out?"

I exhaled. "I was just with Butters," I started. "And we started talking about the old times. And then he starting talking about when we used to play superheroes and shit. And then he was using all these weird metaphors about Professor Chaos not actually being evil, but only acting that way because that's what he's supposed to be and all that…"

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Okay, and?"

"Kyle, he was using it as a metaphor for the fact that he's gay," I informed him.

Kyle folded his arms again. "So what?" he stated. "We all already knew he was at least bi-curious from the time he was eight. So now he's gay and you're freaking out? Who are you to judge anyway, you like both girls and guys."

I shook my head. "It's not that," I told him. "I don't give a shit that he's gay. Like, good for him, he's figured himself out." I took a deep breath. "He told me right after that...that he likes me."

Kyle looked surprised. "Oh," was all he could say.

I sat down on his bed. "And now I don't know what to do," I confessed. "Because I think part of me likes Butters too, but I'm not sure. All I know I don't want to ruin our friendship if I fuck something up."

Kyle shrugged. "I don't know if Butters is someone you can really fuck something up with," he posited. "What did you say after he told you?"

"I didn't really say anything," I recalled. "I just told him I needed time to think, and I ran off."

Kyle bit his lower lip in thought. "He might take that as you not liking him back, or you ditching him," he said. "Which, in a sense, I guess you sort of did the latter."

I put my head in my hands. "I'm such an idiot, man," I groaned.

"Well, do you like him?"

I lifted my head. "What?"

"Do you like him?" Kyle repeated.

I brushed my hair from my face. "I don't know," I replied. "I think maybe, but…."

"But I think you need to think about this on your own," Kyle cut in. "And go apologize to Butters. He's probably hurting right now."

I sighed. "You're probably right," I conceded. "I'll go by his house. I just don't know what to do."

Kyle placed his hand on my shoulder. "You need to weigh the pros and cons of this whole thing," he told me. "I can't figure it out for you. Only you can."

After a moment of silence, I got up and left Kyle's house. I started walking towards Butters' house, only right down the street. I walked slowly so I could stretch out the time.

Pros and cons...pros and cons. Well, let's start with the cons: it could possibly mess up our friendship, neither of us have dated anyone in a while and who knows if that could affect anything? Let's see...Butters' dad might not approve? My dad most definitely wouldn't. That's all I can think of.

Pros...well, Butters is nice. Almost too nice sometimes, but I guess that's not a horrible thing. He's been one of my closest friends for a while. He's funny. Like actually, really funny when he's not even trying. He's incredibly cute, especially when he smiles and his eyes light up.

Wait, what? Why am I thinking about that?

Okay, back to pros. He's incredibly supportive. And he's not going away to college, just like me. Although he may be going into the army. But then again, he might not.

Fuck it.

I reached Butters' house and I stared up the front walkway, almost afraid to walk down it. As I started towards the front porch, each inch seemed like a mile. I thought it would take me forever to reach the door. With each footstep, the pavement seemed to stretch farther and farther away from me. I felt my heart in my throat. I thought I was going to throw it up.

But I reached the door. I gave it a few light knocks, almost hoping no one would hear them. But the door did open, and Butters' mom was standing in front of me.

"Hi, Mrs. Stotch, is Butters back home yet?" I asked her shyly.

She shook her head. "Not yet," she informed me. "He just texted me a few minutes ago saying he was on his way back from Stark's Pond. Maybe if you walk there, you could catch him on the way."

I nodded. "Thanks, I'll do that," I said, and I pivoted off the front stoop back down the endless walkway.

As I turned onto the sidewalk towards Stark's Pond, I saw Butters not too far up the street. _Shit, it's now or never_.

I jogged up to him and I saw him look almost sheepishly away from me, as if he wanted to turn in the other direction.

"Butters, wait, please don't walk away!" I pleaded as I stopped in front of him. "I know I made a stupid mistake by running away back there."

Butters looked at me, and I could tell from the redness around his eyes that he had been crying. "You really hurt my feelings," he told me bluntly. "I needed to hear something, not just that you'd think about it."

I looked Butters right in the eyes. I had never really noticed how blue they were before. "I know, and I fucked up. I'm sorry," I apologized. "I panicked because I didn't know how to respond. I should have stayed and talked to you. I've just been scared recently. Everything is changing, and I'm not sure of anything anymore."

Butters stared at the ground now. "I don't see what that has to do with me," he mumbled, sounding broken and hurt.

Taking a chance, I took his hand. "I was afraid of ruining our friendship because I'm an idiot," I told him. "But now I can see that all I was doing was running away from it. I realized that I like you too, and I was just afraid of admitting it."

Butters looked up, almost surprised. "Y-you do?" he asked in disbelief.

I nodded. "I'm willing to give this a shot if you are," I smiled.

Butters didn't even respond. He just threw his arms around me into a giant hug. He was so warm, and something about that hug just felt so right.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

After I got home that night, I succeeded in avoiding my father. I wasn't quite ready to reveal that I was dating Butters to him yet. It was all still very fresh in my mind. I poked my head in Karen's room - she went to bed earlier. That's okay, I'd tell her in the morning. So as I sat on my bed, I pulled out my phone. There were a few people who needed to know.

I started a group text.

ME: Hey dudes, I got news.

ERIC: wat do u want asshole

KYLE: What's up dude?

STAN: ?

ME: So Kyle, remember what we were talking about earlier?

KYLE: Yeah?

ERIC: no

ME: Shut up, Cartman. So...Butters and I are sort of a thing now.

STAN: Whoa.

ERIC: HAHAHAHAHAHA

KYLE: That's awesome dude!

ERIC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

STAN: Like a thing-thing?

ME: Yeah

ERIC: DUDE THAT IS SO FUCKING GAY

ME: Well, yeah kinda. Butters came out to me as gay.

ERIC: I FUCKING KNEW IT

ME: But you can't tell him I told you that?

ERIC: y not dude?

KYLE: Because, fatass, Butters hasn't come out to everyone yet, and if you out him, it could have negative consequences.

STAN: Well, I say good for you two. It's about time you found someone.

ME: What do you mean by that?

STAN: I mean like you haven't had a girlfriend in a while.

ERIC: So he settles for a dude. Makes sense.

ME: Shut the fuck up, Cartman.

KYLE: I say whatever makes you happy.

ERIC: u would say that jew

KYLE: Not now, Cartman.

ME: Well, it's still kind of new to me. Butters was really happy when I said we could give it a try.

ERIC: What, buttsex?

STAN: DUDE!

ERIC: What, gay guys like buttsex

KYLE: Cartman…

ERIC: Am I wrong?

ME: You're a dick, that's what you are

ERIC: But am I wrong?

KYLE: Anyway, I was gonna text you guys anyway. My aunt invited us out to New York for a summer vacation thing before we all go to college.

STAN: Oh shit, dude! Sweet!

ERIC: Spending summer with jews. my idea of a great time there

ME: I don't think I can go

KYLE: Why not?

ME: Can't afford it.

ERIC: Figures.

STAN: Maybe we can work something out

KYLE: I can talk to my dad. I really want you to go.

ME: Guys, please don't do that for me.

ERIC: yeah he already gets enough handouts from the gvmt

ME: Fuck you, Eric.

KYLE: Dude, seriously, we want you to come. We're gonna invite Butters too.

ERIC: Fuck, now I really don't want to go

STAN: Don't be a dick Cartman

ERIC: I'm going i'm going sheesh

ME: I won't stop you if you do...I'm just saying you don't have to.

I put my phone away after that and flopped back onto my bed. A lot was happening so fast. First, I'm dating Butters. Now, I'm being invited to go to New York with my friends? I figure I might as well just accept their offer to pay for the ticket. It may be the last time the gang's all together for a long time.

My phone buzzed again. I glanced at it, and saw it was actually Butters.

BUTTERS: Hey

ME: Hey what's up?

BUTTERS: I told my dad

ME: Oh

BUTTERS: yeah

ME: How'd he take it?

BUTTERS: Actually, surprisingly well, considering he was kind of hoping I wouldn't be gay

ME: And your mom?

BUTTERS: She already knew

ME: Really?

BUTTERS: I told her before anyone. A few months ago.

ME: Oh, wow.

BUTTERS: And she was with me when I told my dad. Had my back and all. And my dad told me that if this is what I wanted, he'd accept it.

ME: Wow that's great.

BUTTERS: Have you told your folks?

ME: No. Somehow I feel like they'd be far less understanding.

BUTTERS: You gotta tell someone.

ME: I'm gonna tell my sister in the morning. Maybe my mom.

BUTTERS: Your dad?

ME: Too drunk right now. I'll catch him when he's moderately sober.

BUTTERS: When do ya think that'll be?  
ME: Uhhh...it's anyone's guess, honestly.

BUTTERS: Oh, so Kyle just texted me about going to NYC. You going?

ME: I suppose. They said they'd help me pay for the ticket. It might be the last time we're all together.

BUTTERS: Not you and me though

ME: ?

BUTTERS: It won't be the last time we're together! :)

ME: Well, yeah

BUTTERS: We'll still be together after that, right?

ME: Can't think of any reason why we wouldn't be. If I think of one, I'll let you know. ;)

BUTTERS: Hahaha well, good night, Kenny 3

ME: Good night :)

I stuck my phone onto its charger. I listened out the door. It finally got quiet, so I figured this would be a good time to sneak into the kitchen for water. I got up and slowly opened the door, making sure not to make any noise. I lightly stepped along the carpet down the small hallway and through the living room. I got to the kitchen, grabbed a relatively clean glass and got some tap from the sink.

"You're still up, huh?"

I turned around, and it was my mother, sitting at the worn out table across the room, staring at an empty glass.

I turned off the tap. "I was just grabbing some water before bed," I said, walking over to the table. "What was Dad going on about tonight?"

My mother shrugged. "Nothing special," she sighed. "Just the usual bullshit."

I sat down adjacent to her. "Ma, can I talk to you about something?" I asked her, nervously. I figured now was as good a time as any.

She looked up at me, her eyes tired and dark, as if she hadn't slept in days. "Sure, Kenny," she nodded.

I sighed. "I have a boyfriend," I said outright. I didn't feel like dancing around the subject. "It's Butters."

My mom chuckled. "Butters?" she repeated. "I thought maybe it'd be that Eric kid."

I smirked. "Eric's an asshole, Mom," I teased. "I wouldn't ever."

She smiled at me. "Good," she responded. "I always did like Butters. What'd his parents say?"

"They're supportive," I informed her. "I'm worried about telling Dad though."

She thought for a moment. "If you need me to, I can be there when or if you decide to tell him," she stated, taking my hand. "I want you to be happy, and not to have to keep your life a secret. I don't know how he'll react, but at least know you have me and definitely Karen by your side."

I leaned over and hugged her. "Thanks, Mom," I breathed. "I really needed that right now." I stood up and finished my water before leaving the room.

When I got back to my room, I pulled out my phone again.

ME: Hey, I know you're asleep, but I just told my mom. She is totally accepting and okay with it, and she says she'll be there when I tell my dad. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet, but I promise I won't keep you a secret. Good night.

I put my phone down on my night table, and I undressed myself for bed. I laid down, and snuggled down under the blankets. As I closed my eyes, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, and I glanced at the screen to see the response:

"3"


End file.
